Who the Hell are you?
by punkrockbabe
Summary: Koenma thinks that there is a demon on the loose when he plays a prank call.......VERY FUNNY!Sorry, I suck at summeries, so ya have to read it to find out more!
1. The call

** Ok, if you want to be a part in this story, send me a very detailed description of yourself, and I'll try to put you in there, or the best one that I read. But for now, LETS GET THIS GOING! Oh yeah, I'm Mai by the way, and I don't own any of the YYH characters legally, well, except Hiei. **

HE'S MINE DAMNIT!

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU???????

Chappie one: The call

Mai: There's nothing on T.V tonight. *keeps switching channels*

Blade: Fine then, lets talk about school

Mai: School sucks! I don't see how humans have to go there. I don't want to talk about it

Sapphire: Well Mai, if you want to live in the human realm, you're going to have to go, considering your age.

Mai: What the hell do you mean considering my age?! I'm over 100 years old for damn sake!

Blade: Well, ya sure don't act like it, that's why your going to school.

Mai: Oh, I should say the same for YOU BLADE!

Blade: You tryin to start somethin?

Mai: Yeah, bring it on bitch, I'll take you to the smack down hotel!

*Starts pulling on each others hair*

Mai: OW OW OW YOU'RE KICKING MY BOOB!

Blade: AW THAT'S JUST A BUNCH A TISSUE YA SKANK!

Mai: YOU'RE JUST MAD CUZ YOU DON'T HAVE NONE LIKE THESE!

* Mai does a backflip off the bed, and kicks blade in the face*

Emerald: Guys, guys calm down! Look Mai, we came to your house to have a sleep over, not a wrestling match!

*Emerald and Sapphire hold Mai and Blade back*

Mai: You're lucky, we're in a place with lots of humans in it, or I would have used my REAL POWERS TO KICK YOUR PHONY ASS! 

Blade: Come on, what ya waitin on?

*Mai and Blade still try to kick at each other while, Emerald and Sapphire hold them back*

Mai: OH NO SHE DIDN'T! SAPPHIRE HOLD MY EARRINGS!

*Starts trying to take off earrings, while being held back*

Sapphire: THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

*Sapphire blasts out a gush of water out of her hand, and blows it in Mai and Blade's face, but they don't seem to care, as there eyes are fixed on each other with a deadly look. Then, THEY GO FOR THE KILL! (I mean they start fighting again, sorry, I get a little carried away)

Suddenly, the phone rings.....................Everyone stares at the phone with a scared look, as it keeps ringing. 

Mai: Did anyone give anyone my number?

Everyone else: No

Mai: Then, how can it keep ringing if I gave no one my number? I mean we just moved here..........

*The phone was still ringing* (Gosh, wouldn't you be scared if that happened to you? I know I would.....Oh, sorry I'll get out of the story now)

Mai: I'll pick up the phone, this ain't a horror movie ya know.......

*Picks up the phone*

Mai: Hello?

*Faint snickers are heard in the background*

Unknown Caller: _Seven days........._

*More snickering*

Mai: Pshh, that don't scare me, I've seen the Ring three times, so how about you shove the seven days thing up your corny ass.

Unknown caller: Huh? What? Oh, sorry...

Background: Hang up! hang up!

*Then hangs up*

Blade: Who was that?

Mai: Some prank callers

Blade: Hey, we should do that to other peope!

Mai: YEAH! Except we can do it better......Cuz we're demons! 

*Blade and Mai start laughing evilly*

Blade and Mai: MUWAHAHAHAHA MUWAHAHAHAHA!

~ Meanwhile, in SpiritWorld~

Koenma: Man, that was close.

Ogre: Yeah mister Koenma sir, next time you should hang up when you give the line.

Koenma: Well, she wasn't scared enough! I'm kinda thinking she's not human..........

Ogre: It's just common sense, Mr. Koenma. YA HAVE TA HANG UP AFTER THE PRANK. *Has his arms folded and nods*

Koenma: I don't care what you say! There's no way she could have figured it out! It was pure genius! Have Yusuke come in here, I think we have a demon on our hands.........

Ogre: But Mr. Koenma sir, don't you think this is a little un orthodox? I mean I simply just think that any human could have figured that prank out!

Koenma: I SAID DO IT!!!!

* A few minutes later..........*

Yusuke: What do you want this time?

Koenma: I believe there is a demon in your area Yusuke.

Yusuke: No way, I would have sensed him a long time ago.

Koenma: Actually, it's a "she" this time. And she is probably very crafty.

Kuwabara: OOOh a she huh?

Hiei: Please, spare me fool, like she would ever want to be interested in the likes of YOU.

Kuwabara: WHAT WAS THAT?! COME HERE SHRIMPY!

Yusuke: Aaanywaays........How do you know that it's a demon?

Koenma: Cuz I'ma Motha-Fu@#!n' P-I-M-P!

Everyone: Riiiiiiight..........

~Okay, so the REALLY funny stuff hasn't happened yet, so I want reviews!!!!~


	2. Chappie two: More prank calls

****

Mai: YAAAAY my next chapter!!! 

Megami: You're an idiot!

Chappie 2: More prank calls

Mai: I hate school! I don't see the point in it!

*Walks with arms folded behind head, and looking up at the sky*

Megami: Hey, Mai!

*A girl with long blue hair starts running towards her*

Mai: Oh, hey!

*Megami hits Mai upside her head*

Mai: Ow! What the hell was that for!?

Megami: You haven't written to me! So, I had to follow you all the way from spirit world!

Mai: Hey, not so loud! There's some humans around here!

Megami: Anyway, how have things been going lately?

Mai: Nothin much. What's up with the school uniforms anyway? I can't believe I'm wearing this....

Megami: Hey, I'm wearing it too.........

Megami: So, why did you move here anyway?

Mai: I don't know......I guess........it's just better than Spirit World.......I mean, everywhere you turn, there's some kind of massacre going on each day..........

Megami: I see...........

Mai: So, do you want to come to my slumber party?

Megami: Who's gonna be there?

Mai: Emerald, Sapphire, Blade, you know the usual.

Megami: Oh, okay!

Mai: Bye!

~Later that evening~

Mai: _Once upon a time......There was a monster who had a hand that was made out of..........._

Blade: A knife!

Megami: A hook!

Sapphire: An axe!

Mai: No..............

Everyone: Then what was it?

*Mai takes a deep breath, and puts the flashlight to her face, to make it look scarier*

Mai:_ It was.........A piece of........_CELERY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Everyone starts laughing except Mai*

Mai: Hey hey hey! That wasn't supposed to be funny!

Blade: Celery? Common Mai, you can do better than that!

Mai: Whatever, you guys suck.......

*Gets up and walks to the other room*

Mai: Hey, would anyone like to me join me in a prank call?

Everyone: YAY!

*Mai dials a number, and the phone starts ringing*

person: What do you want?

Mai: uuum is my husband Harry dick there?

*Everyone snickers*

person: What kind of fool do you take me for, I don't know what your doing, but you humans better stop, or taste my steel!

*hangs up*

Mai: He hung up!

*Blade puts the other phone down*

Megami: He threatened us!!!

Sapphire: Did he say, _you humans_?

Mai: I'm not worried about that, what I'm mad about is, I didn't get to hang up on him! I say we call him back, and use some of our powers just to scare him!

Everyone: YEAH!

*Mai redials the number again*

person: The Great Kuwabara Kazuma residence.....

*Everyone looks at each other with a weird look on their face*

Megami whispers: _Mai, you dumbass! You called Kuwabara's house!_

Kuwabara: Hello?

Mai whispers: _Who is Kuwabara?_

Megami: _He is one of the town bullies, and the butt ugliest guy in town! Not to mention stupid! He even tried to hit on me today! _

Kuwabara: Hellooo?

Mai: _Well I didn't know_

*Megami rolls her eyes at Mai and answers*

Megami: Uh, yes, well we were taking a survey, and uh, we were just trying to talk to the gentlemen who answered the phone earlier. So, um could you put him on the phone?

*Gives a disgusted look at everyone*

Kuwabara: Well, I can talk to you since that very rude shrimp hung up on you guys.....What is the survey about?

Megami: Uh, will you ever get plastic surgery done to your ugly-ass......

*Mai hurried up and grabbed the phone out of Megami's hand because she knew that this was going to be a roast*

Kuwabara: What?

Blade and Sapphire put there hands on Megami's mouth, and to keep her from strugguling*

Mai: What she ment was, will you ever consider getting plastic surgery done?

Kuwabara: Well no duh! I am very perfect, and I don't need _ANY_

A boy in the background: Hah! That's a big lie!

Kuwabara: SHUT UP URAMESHI, I'M TALKING TO THIS NICE LADY ABOUT STUFF YOU WOULDN'T KNOW ABOUT!

Excuse my friend, he's a little slow, now what were you saying?

*Everyone gets a sweatdrop*

Mai: Well ya sure as heck need it!

*Hangs up*

Blade: That was gay, Mai.......

Megami: My stuff was better....

Mai: Uh, I hate you guys! 

*Starts running to the other room, and falls over the sofa*

Mai: OW!

~Meanwhile, at Kuwabara's house~

Yusuke was laughing: That lady hung up on you!

Kuwabara: Aww forget it. I won't track her down cuz she's a female..........

Hiei: Hn, if that happened to me, I would use my Jagan to track her down, and slice her throat.

Kuwabara: You would do something like that wouldn't you shrimp boy? Well, let me spell it out for ya; Y-O-U S-U-C-K!

Yusuke: Actually, I know exactly where she is.......

Hiei: How?

Yusuke: Cuz I got it like that. Now lets go.

~Back at Mai's house~

They are all watching DragonBall Z

Mai: I like Vegeta best, he's the strongest, the finest, and the toughest

Megami: Nu uh, Goku is best

Mai: Nu uh

Megami: yeah huh

Mai: nu uh

Megami: yeah huh

Blade: Alright, everybody shut up!

Blade: I'm tired of your bickering......CUZ TRUNKS IS NUMBA ONE!

Mai and Megami: WHAT!?

*All three of them start arguing*

*Everyone else has a sweat drop*

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Everyone suddenly stopped

Mai: What was that?

Sapphire: Sounds like someone at the door

Mai: Well they don't have to bang on the door so loud.....

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Megami: Aww great Mai, who did you mess with this time?

Mai: No one....Today....

BOOM BOOM BOOM!

Blade: Well put your human disguise on and answer it!

Everyone pushes Mai towards the hallway to the front door

Mai: Alright, I can do it myself!

*Mai trips and falls wear the front door is*

Megami: You dumb nut! Your so clumsy!

Mai: OW! 

Mai still on the floor, sticks her tongue out at everyone

Suddenly the door opens.........

Mai: HEY! Whoever you are, you were supposed to wait until I answered the door!

A cold piece of steel was suddenly at Mai's neck

Mai: What the!?

Voice: _Get up _

Mai, in a scared voice: Uuuh hello? How may I help you today?

Voice: _I SAID GET UP OFF THE FLOOR!_

Mai was in her thoughts now as she got up off the floor, : Why can't I see him? And his sword smells like cheetos........

Voice: _Now tell me what your name is, and why you came to the human realm!_

Mai: I won't answer anything, until I can see you.

Mai in her thoughts again: _Why can't I see him still?_

And what is he? He couldn't be one of them who followed me from the demon realm could he? If he is, then why can't I sense him? And what the hell are my friends doing back there!

Megami: I said Goku was better and that's that!

Blade: I said Trunks is better!

Blade: Well fine then, we'll pop in the Trunks movie to see who's stronger!

Megami: Nu uh, we'll put in a movie with more of Goku in it!

Sapphire: Hey guys, don't you think we should check on Mai?

Emerald: She's been gone for awhile.....

Megami: She's probably just talking to them, or something, now, back on the subject! Goku is the best!

Mai: Well, weren't you listening? I won't answer any questions until I can see you!

Mai gasped, when she saw the figure before her. It was a young boy, with crimson eyes, dark hair with spikes, and a black cloak that stood over her. (Hiei had a growth spurt, so now he's Yusuke's height. ^__^)

Hiei: NOW TELL ME OR I'LL SLICE YOUR THROAT!

Mai winced as the steel of the sword was close to cutting her.

Mai: _He's a fire demon!_

Mai: I......I don't know what your talking about!

Hiei: _I KNOW YOU ARE A DEMON! NOW THIS IS YOUR LAST WARNING! TELL ME WHY YOU ARE HERE!_

A voice suddenly came from behind Hiei.

Kuwabara: Hey shrimpy! 

He was breathing hard and gasping for air.

Kuwabara: I told you to wait for us! *still breathing hard*

Aww....I.....knew I shouldn't of.......eaten that......Big Mac....

He suddenly straightened up when he saw Mai.

Kuwabara: Hiei! What are you doing to her!? That is no way to treat a girl! He then marched right up to Hiei and tried to take the sword away from Mai's neck.

Hiei: What are you doing fool! She is the demon!

Another voice came from behind

Kurama: How do you know she is a demon?

Hiei: Because I do!

Yusuke: You must've got the wrong person Hiei! You ran into a nerd's house!

Kuwabara: Why do you have to be so mean Urameshi? And how long have you been standing there?

Mai jerked the sword away from her.

Mai: Get off me! I don't know who you weirdos are, but you better get off my property!

Yusuke: Well, I guess wer'e going to have to take her to Koenma's and erase her memory..........

Mai was in her thoughts again: _KOENMA? They must be spirit detectives sent by him to find me! I can't let them take me!_

Mai: I'm not going anywhere with you losers!

Yusuke: Loser? You're the one with the nerdy outfit and hairstyle.....I mean seriously, green high waters, and a brown sweater?

Mai: What are you now, the fashion police?

Yusuke: There should be one, for your sake......

Kuwabara: Well, I guess we'd better take you now

Mai closed the door slowly so her friends couldn't hear.

Mai: Well, I guess.......NOT!

She kicked Kuwabara in the nuts and ran off

Kuwabara: AAAGH right in the pills! 

He was now leaning over the ground

Yusuke: Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Hiei: She's getting away!

Kurama: Come on!

Mai in her thoughts: Well, since they found me, I'd better stop here.

They YYH gang caught up with her in a deserted lot.

Yusuke: You have no choice but to come with us now

Mai: Hn, you can't take me anywhere......

She said in a confident tone

Hiei: I feel tremendous energy coming from her!

Kurama: You were right Hiei, she is something else.....

Yusuke: She couldn't be a demon could she?

A blue ora was surrounding her with wind picking up from it.

She then transformed into her true being which was long, black hair with white spikes, crimson eyes (but girly anime type), and fairly tanned skin. Her clothing changed into a short black tanktop, with blue dirty denim jeans, with chains on her waist, and dog collar bracelets.

Kuwabara: WHOA! SHE'S HOT!

Yusuke: I guess I'll take back the nerd stuff....

Hiei: She is a........FIRE DEMON!

Kuwabara: Hey, shrimpy, she kinda looks like you!

Mai in a more deeper and confident voice: Hello boys........

Yusuke: So you're the demon, Koenma was talking about......Tell me, why did you come here, before we arrest you to spirit world.

Mai: It's none of your buisness.....besides, I didn't come here for evil purposes, so it won't make sense to arrest me, now would it?

Kurama: We were given orders from Koenma to bring you to him, so whether you did anything or not, we still have to take you to spirit world.......

Kuwabara: As long as we don't hurt her prettiness ness, right?

Yusuke: Whether she's hot or not, we still have to take her in, and I'm starting to lose my patience.......

Mai: I don't want to hurt you, so how about you leave me alone.

Hiei: First tell us your name

Mai: I believe I can't tell you that. In fact, I can't tell you anything.

Yusuke was about to fire his spirit gun: Alrighty then, I guess you're gonna have to figure it out the hard way......

Yusuke: Besides, we've already got your friend, Miaju.

Mai in her thoughts: _MIAJU!? No! they already caught her!?_

No, I can't let them do the same to me, I won't go back!

Yusuke: Uh, hello? Did you hear what I said?

Mai: Huh? Oh, you won't be taking me anywhere, whoever you are.

Yusuke: Ok, here goes nothin!

Kuwabara: NO! Not my one true love!

*The beam hit her stomach, but it didn't even put a scratch on her*

Mai: Humph, you guys are weak.........I didn't even feel anything.....Let me show you how it's done..

*She took of like the speed of lightning*

And materialized to where Yusuke and the others were.*

Yusuke; What!? I didn't sense it!

Hiei: My jagan couldn't even sense it!

*Yusuke tried to punch her, but she was to fast for him, and she double kicked him into a deserted building. She then materialized between Hiei and Kurama and blasted out two orbs of energy, knocking them unconcious*

Kuwabara: I can't let you do this to my friends, I, Kuwabara Kazuma, cannot let you do this!

Mai: Cut the long anime speech bull shit, and fight!

*He then took out his spirit sword and tried to stab her with it, but it wouldn't go through her, as if he was trying to stab a boulder with a butter knife.*

*Both looking at each other with sweat drops, and Kuwabara blushing*

*Mai then flicks Kuwabara in the forehead, and easily knocks him unconscience*

Mai: Man, those guys were weak! They would never last a minute in my area........

She then flew off into the city, and laid down unto a person's roof top, where she was once again engulfed in her thoughts.

Mai: _Miaju......You were supposed to meet me half way of the gate......How did they catch you?........You said you wanted to stay in the human realm with us....so why did it take you so long until now?......._

*She gave out a sigh, and fell asleep*

~Okay, so my fic turned out to be an action one, it can still be funny right? Well, it's pretty hard to stay funny on this long fic, so it's going to have all the stuff in it: Action, romance, and humor. So stay tuned for my next chapter! Oh yeah, MORE REVIEWS PLEEEEEEASE!~

__


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